Confidence: What is it and how do we get it?
In The Sound of Music, Julie Andrews’ character, Maria, sings the famous song, “I have Confidence” as she travels to begin her role as the new governess to Captain Von Trapp’s seven children. The lyrics “I've always longed for adventure / To do the things I've never dared / Now here I'm facing adventure / Then why am I so scared?” have stayed with me. She continues, “The courage to serve them with reliance / Face my mistakes without defiance / Show them I'm worthy /And while I show them / I'll show me!” concluding “I have confidence in me!”
The song’s lyrics match up nicely with the psychological characteristics that define confidence, which brings me to today’s topic: What is confidence and how do we get it?
In his book, How Confidence Works: The New Science of Self-Belief, Trinity College Professor of Psychology, Ian Robertson, defines confidence as being made up of two parts.
“The first is the bet you make with yourself that you can do something. This is the *can do* element. The second is a belief that if you do that thing, then the world will change a little. This is the *can happen* part.”
Note that confidence is not the belief that you are amazing at all times. It is not the belief that you will never make mistakes. It is not blind positivity. It’s a belief based in your own capability to take action and the belief that the action will result in some progress or learning. I would argue that one of the major drivers and commonalities amongst all the No Directions interviews I’ve conducted to date is that the majority of the interviewees’ possess these can do and can happen beliefs. My theory is that this is one of the biggest predictors of an individual’s ability to successfully navigate a “no directions” path.
To no one’s surprise, it turns out that confidence has highly beneficial effects on your brain. That is, when your brain anticipates success, it releases a surge of dopamine in the reward network of your brain, which can act as a buffer against depression and anxiety. Robertson describes this further writing:
“This positive bounce happens most of all when you surprise yourself with a slightly better-than-expected performance, or struggle through a difficulty and come out the other side. The brain’s reward network operates by prediction error: a mismatch between prior expectation and actual reality. So, once you can do something easily, it no longer gives you that boost. However, if you manage to do something successfully against the odds, your brain network responds to this better-than-expected success with a gratifying pulse of positive emotion. This is the feeling of mastery, one of the most significant sources of confidence.” (p.34)
I know, I know. It’s lovely to know what confidence is, Madeline. Who would have guessed confidence could be helpful!? But how does one lacking in confidence begin to build it? Ah yes, the big question. Let’s get to that!
Robertson’s book outlines a number of mental techniques that can aid in overcoming the anxieties, stresses, doubts, and uncertainties that often act as barriers to confidence.
Implementation mindset versus deliberative mindset
A “deliberative mindset” involves a person thinking through different options or action to take, whereas an implementation mindset is about thinking through a specific course of action. While deliberation can be positive for keeping an open mind and thinking through different possibilities, it often has the cost of getting people too caught up in thinking about past memories and potential future scenarios, leading to a greater sense of caution and less inclination to actually take action. By contrast, an implementation mindset keeps you focused on the task at hand by planning exactly when, where, and how you will do something; a mindset that is strengthened if you also plan for the if-then scenarios that may pop up when things don’t go exactly as planned. While the cost of this mindset is narrowed attention that may limit your ability to see other possibilities, it boosts the likelihood that you take action and actually receive the confidence boosting benefits of doing so.
Fantasizing and mental contrasting
Ever spent an afternoon daydreaming about what it be like if you quit your job and pursued a wildly different career that seems easier with less responsibilities? I know I have! However, fantasizing can have unforeseen consequences when it comes to actually doing stuff. As Robertson writes, “Fantasies are like the *can happen* part of confidence occurring in a disconnected way from the tight planning of *can do*…”. In this way, the problem with fantasizing is that it can actually trick your brain into thinking that the goal has already been achieved. Because it has…in your fantasy!
The good news is that you can use fantasizing in a way that benefits you by engaging in what is called “mental contrasting.” Mental contrasting involves thinking about the benefits of the potential fantasy first, and then comparing them to current reality and obstacles that might come up in pursuing that fantasy in real life. The ideal outcome is that the individual ends up choosing a goal that they can confidently strive for and feel both energized and motivated to achieve. Maybe it’s not feasible to quit your job and travel the world for a year right now, but maybe it does feel feasible and exciting to get a job in a foreign country! While mental contrasting in this way has positive benefits for taking action, reversing the order of the exercise has the opposite effect. People that think about the obstacles first are far less likely to take action.
Self-affirmation
Self-affirmation involves visualizing a recent situation in detail that demonstrates you doing something that aligns with your values. It is important to do this in a way where you can recall as much as possible about what the situation was like and how it made you feel. Thinking about yourself in this context has been shown to activate parts of your brain associated with positive feelings and motivation and to greatly reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your blood. It is a highly valuable tool to access when people feel their ego is under threat and are doing something that is pushing the edge of their comfort zone. In studies of chronically stressed students, self-affirmation has been shown to help students think more clearly and have greater ability to solve difficult problems. Robertson summarizes by saying, “Defending the ego takes a lot of mental energy, which leaves little to address the threatening problem. Self-affirmation broadens your attention beyond the immediate threat and allows your mind to access positive memories outside of the domain in which you feel threatened.”
Cognitive Reappraisal
As I briefly mentioned in a recent compass and have written about with respect to Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on emotions, it is possible to reframe how you categorize physical sensations that often get labelled as nerves and anxiety. High performing athletes do this all the time. They label nerves as excitement and view that sensation as something that will help them focus and perform at their best. Robertson contends, “Words are powerful instruments for controlling our attention — and subsequently our emotions. And if we can control our attention and feelings, we can focus on goals that we have a chance of achieving, because they are within our circle of control…By helping you to pay attention to the right things, you do them better, which in turn makes you more confident, which then makes you do them even better, and so on. The words we say to ourselves bind our confidence to our attention, even if we don’t fully believe those words.”
In Summary
Did I solve all of your confidence issues with this one essay? Alas, I wish my writing were that good. What I hope I’ve shown you is that confidence is not something that you either have or you don’t. It is something that can be built with taking action. While this essay is not remotely exhaustive on all the tools and techniques that can aid in developing confidence, my goal is that I am leaving you with a few new tools that can help you overcome the mental barriers to action…and start building confidence!
Photo Credit: This essay’s cover photo of Julie Andrews is taken from the Everett Collection as printed in Biography.com’s article, “10 Things You May Not Know About 'The Sound of Music.’”