Compass No.28
Redefining trust, the conversational nature of reality, and finding peace within uncertainty
Thought provoking quote
I cannot recommend L.David Marquet’s book, Turn the Ship Around! A True Story of Turning Followers into Leaders, enough. In the book, Marquet details his time as the captain of the USS Santa Fe in the United States Navy, and the program he developed to transform it from one of the Navy’s worst performing ships into the most combat effective nuclear powered, fast attack submarine in the squadron. More insights from the book were recently featured in Compass No.26.
“Trust means this: when you report that we should position the ship in a certain position, you believe we should position the ship as indicated. Not trusting you would mean that I thought you might be saying one thing while actually believing something else. Trust is purely a characteristic of the human relationship. Now, whether the position you indicate is actually the best tactical position for Santa Fe is a totally different issue, one of physics, time, distance, and the movements of the enemy. These are characteristics of the physical world and have nothing to do with trust.”
Insights from the current book on my desk
I’m currently listening to poet David Whyte’s audiobook, What to Remember When Waking, where Whyte details the disciplines he believes are necessary to see us through the difficulties of a human life. Stylistically it’s an interesting listen in the sense that it was never published as a book and therefore doesn’t “read” like a traditional audiobook. Rather, Whyte’s words feel more like a contemplative long form lecture intended to be listened to during walks outside or while immersing yourself in nature.
The first chapter details what Whyte terms “the conversational nature of reality,” which is the reality that we will not get everything we ask for out of life, but that life, and the expectations of the world unfolding around us, will also not get everything they want out of us. The conversation is the meeting place in the middle between what we want out of life and what life is demanding of us. Whyte invites us to live a life that is “up to the conversation we are being asked to join.”
In looking inward to this conversation and answering it’s call, Whyte argues that we must set down the desire for the outward image of perfection in order to hear the dialogue taking place within us. To listen is to have what Whyte calls the “courageous conversation.” That is, the conversation we’ve been afraid to have. The courageous conversation requires accepting the season of life we are in while acknowledging the possibilities we have been sabotaging with our fears and anxieties.
Whyte contends that we avoid the courageous conversation because of the sheer amount of loss we experience across a human life. The way to counteract our avoidance is to acknowledge that no one quite knows how to play the game of life, and that there will always be a part of us that doesn’t quite know how to take the next step. Rather than seeing this as something to overcome, Whyte invites us look at it as a core human competence. No other aspect of creation gets to feel as if it doesn’t belong or imagine itself as something else.
He argues that perhaps part of being yourself is always feeling some element of not fully belonging. He attests, “A form of enlightenment is realizing that we are not meant to feel totally comfortable as we are.”
Question inspired by a recent interview
Last week, I interviewed FITTED Underground founder Eric Steffen about his journey leaving a job in an investment banking to go all in on building a custom denim jeans brand. He had no prior experience in the apparel industry and spent 10 years honing his craft and growing the business solo before hiring his first employee in 2024. When I asked him about how his relationship with uncertainty had evolved across that decade plus journey, he said this:
“Doing your own business is very much a trust exercise; you're just falling backwards and trusting that something good is going to come from it. I once heard somebody share an analogy that starting a business is like catching a flight. You do everything you possibly can to get to the airport on time. Sometimes things come up, life happens, and you get to the airport late, but then the flight is late and you make it anyway. Their point was that either you're gonna make the flight or you're not, and whether you do or don't, you're still going to be you. It's okay. Nobody's gonna take away your birthday. Managing uncertainty comes down to making peace with the fact that there are things in life you can control and things you can't. You can be peaceful no matter what.”
Where is a desire to control uncertainty impacting your ability to be peaceful in your life? Where are you trying to control the uncontrollable?