Compass No.27
Aiming for a "marriage of marriages," revisiting my interview with Captain Tara Hines, and being aware of what's driving your professional growth
Thought provoking quotes
In his book, The Three Marriages, poet David Whyte explores the complex relationships we have between the first marriage (a relationship with a romantic partner), the second marriage (our relationship with work), and the third marriage (the relationship we have with ourselves). He contends that each marriage involves separate forms of courtship and commitment that are vital to lasting happiness and commitment. Rather than working towards work life balance as a way to have the marriages coexist, Whyte argues for finding a way for the three marriages to converse with each other via what he calls “the marriage of marriages.”
“It is instructive to note that when we talk about work-life balance we are almost always talking about the effect work has on a marriage, rather than the way a marriage can also affect work or a sense of the inner self.” (p.347)
“Establishing a marriage of marriages means not only that I start to learn from each of the marriages by letting them speak back to me in their own voices rather than trying to make them say things I want them to say. It means also that I am willing to let each of the marriages speak to one another and, indeed, learn from one another.” (p.351)
“Thinking of work, self, and other as three marriages offers the possibility of living them out in a way in which they are not put into competition with one another, where each of the marriages can protect, embolden, and enliven the others and help keep us mutually honest, relevant, authentic, and alive. I stop trying to work harder in each of the marriages and start to concentrate on the conversation that holds them together. Instead of asking myself what more I need to do, and killing myself and my creative powers in the process of attempting to carry it out, I ask myself: What is the courageous conversation I am not having? Out of that conversation will come as much action as I want, but the action will be simpler, clearer, more central to what I want than a stressed reaction that exhausts me for the real encounters I desire.” (p.354)
Interview insights that stayed with me
This week I wanted to revisit a No Directions interview from April 2024 with Captain Tara Hines, a fishing captain and founder of Sockeye Servings who spends her summers harvesting wild sockeye salmon in the waters of Bristol Bay Alaska. Tara spent her college years cultivating expertise across a variety of fishing experiences before launching her business and buying her first boat at age 22. Today, almost nine years later, she’s still at it!
Highlights from Tara’s interview that have continually inspired and stuck with me:
On getting through the terrifying and overwhelming experience of her first season: “I have a good friend who always says: ‘How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.’ I had to tell myself that every second of the day. There’s so much you don’t know and you just have to keep slowly prodding forward, otherwise it all seems too big.”
On getting through the early stages of business building where you don’t have that much experience and don’t trust yourself yet: “That whole first year I didn’t know if I was going to make it, and I knew that I couldn’t control the outcome, but I knew I could control being proud of where I was at. It didn’t always work, but that was my goal. That whole year I just said, ‘Yep, I'm here. I'm trying. I'm proud of myself. I'm new, and there’s no shame in that.’ The more I did that, the more confident I felt on a deeper level and the easier it was to own making mistakes.”
What fishing has taught her about learning to not sweat decisions quite so much: “Decision-making is my current self-improvement thing. I’m really trying to trust the fact that decisions aren't necessarily good or bad, they’re just decisions, and there’s probably not a perfect one. You make them and you keep rolling.”
Question to think about
This is a question I’ve been thinking about in relation to my own business that felt worth sharing: Where am I reacting to external pressure versus growing my business in a way that aligns with my goals and who I am as a person?